Legendary Night 2

The legendary continues with the TV series called "How I met your Mother", up until 3am, where I realise I should be starting to do my assignment now. Its a 3 questions assignment, which require me to choose 2 out of 6 questions for part one, and 1 out of 2 for part two.

The part one is an easy one. I just have to find the information to fill into my .doc file according to the question. Thanks to the lucky me, although I don't want to use up my luck on the last day of 2010, it doesn't take more than 20 minutes to search for the answer for the first question. Its about the Land Transportation Authority, what is their mission, vision, strategy, and things that they did in the past that prove they did their job well and they are improving from time to time.

In fact, I am thinking if the LTA of our country did do well in their job, although my questions are based on Singapore. Well, all I can think of are they built the PLUS, they built tolls all around the place, poor public transport system, traffic polices who like coffee, non-flat surface road, and so on. Still a lot to go, but it goes just sad along the way.

And then it goes the dream about how should Malaysia's road system should be, how far people had improve in their transportation services. I quit thinking about all of these when the sky start to turn blue. Its 5am right now. I can hear the engine sound come from the condominium behind my house. Human are sure pathetic, they don't even know how to enjoy their life by having more sleeping time, and get up in such an early hour going for work. And someone is still hanging up here trying to write his blog. Oh dear, my health must be gotten worse when I am back to Singapore.

Time to stop the thoughts. I planned to visit my school band 8am later, as they got performance for the secondary one orientation day. It feels kind of stupid to stay up so late trying to worsen my health, but its ok for once in awhile. Better complete my assignment first. This will be my last post for year 2010. Happy new year guys!

Legendary Night 1

I just come up with an idea of keeping a late night journal for tonight. I just thought of this idea, well about 5 minutes ago, and yah I mean now, so I will just use present tense for this post. I hope this will ease up things a little.

So for the opening line, I would like to explain what mean by "night" for both of  us, I mean my roommate, my brother. Night in our dictionary means the time from dinner until the time we sleep. It means the night will end once we sleep, and if we don't sleep yet, the night will continue. And so our nights during vacations never end short in like about 3  to 4 hours, they are about double or triple the time of our normal night until the sunrise.

The night is still young, its only 1.14am now. It starts perfectly with... supper!

Yup I am eating my korean noodle in my room now, and for some reasons, supper is one necessity for us these nights. I know that I put on some weights, but its ok during vacation as when we go back to Singapore, we will be bombarded with tonnes of things again and that time, things will work out. Well, at least we have things covered for now so I will back to normal again the next time I come back to Penang during Chinese New Year.

So about the noodle, I discovered a brand new recipe of cooking the Jin Korean Ramen, the instant noodle I mean. It should be a soup based ramen, but I cooked it dry. This is to prevent I put in a lot of MSG into the soup, and I will end up being thirsty the whole night. And probably I will drink a lot of water at night, maybe have a watery dream, and .... sorry no its not bed-wetting I mean, I will end up insomnia and have to go to the bathroom all the night.

It sounds kind of crazy to turn something which suppose to be soup based into dry stuff. After cooking the noodle, you just need to pour the thick black soya souse into a plate and some the MSG to make the taste, probably just 1/4 of the whole pack. And then you mix the whole thing up, and the noodle will end up becoming so black with some spicy and sour taste on it. Well, it tastes weird to me, but my sister really likes it  a lot. So I decided to keep up the commitment and share the recipe to you guys.

Thats all for the part one, I shall finish the noodle now while watching the comedy series "How I met your Mother", the night is going to be LEGENDARY!

Awesome Christmas

Its probably not a time matter, it is up to me to be lazy or not.

My asshole lecturer just sent us a new assignment at this new year season, and guess what? He kindly added in as a Christmas present for us. I haven't read what the assignment is about, but I think its not something easy for us.

Ok back to my life part. I just realize that sometimes there is a form of energy flowing throughout one's body. Its called the 精力, which is extremely useful, as useful as the sub-conscious thing you could say that if you know how to use it. Well, people use this energy to drive themselves in their life, and at the same time restoring it from time to time.

I am not talking about the physical energy, its more on mentally energy. You can call it a passion on something, simply put, its an energy that drive you to continue on the thing that you are doing even when you are exhausted and loss all your physical energy.

I once was being driven by this energy. Remember the past 3 month when I did my animations for until the midnight, yea I am talking the energy that held up my eye lids even when I was so sleepy that time.

Haha, so I need to find a way back to the passionate me, I need to find something to motivate me again, for me to finish this assignment. Its been two weeks I buried myself in this beddy hump, without any dates on Christmas eve and Christmas, wrapping myself up in a cold night in my blanket.

Yea, talking about Christmas, I am still a little bit unhappy for being alone at home, until my brother came back from Auto City and FTZ after that. No one to game together, I was home alone, hoping that some robbers would come in and celebrate Christmas with me.

Well for now who cares? No body cares when I got extremely upset and sad. All I have to do is wake up fresh and say HI to world again, its not the first time I did this though. Get a life man! As what they said:

When I am sad,
I stop being sad,
and be awesome instead..
True Story..

-Quote: Barney Stinson "Neil Patrick Harris"

Well who the hell is Barney Stinson? He is.

And so for my first start, allow me to make it square, that for those who got a date for Christmas, this is one for you:



Well Merry Christmas for all the people in this world, if I own you one. Merry Christmas bitches!

emo

最近这一段日子，感触良多。

是的，我所谓的感触，就是emo。

先是圣诞节没有节目，圣诞前夕也没有，这些其实还不要紧。

再加上FYP的压力，还有升学的东西，奖学金等。

还有还有机票的事情，timing等其他其他很难形容事情，讲了也不会明白的事情。

想到要打坐五分钟，脑子就静不下来，因为还有好多事情没有做好。

因为每一件事情，都会让我开始叙旧，想起一年前的事，想起两年前的事。

然后就有点想要听伤感的歌曲，越听越伤。

故事的小红花，从出生那年就飘着；
童年的荡秋千，随着记忆怀到现在。。。

Needed

Last night I had a dream, and in the dream I found the feeling of needed.

There was a little girl who with unknown reason wanted to tag with me all the time, in my dream, from day to night.

According to the movie "Inception" theory, our brain was able think faster when we were sleeping, and so we could feel the time  past faster in our dream.

It was a whole day in my dream, from morning school time till the night beddy time.

We were together.

It was just like the latest Fairy Tail episode where Wendy needed Jellal so much when she was little.

But seriously this wasn't any relationship things, it was more like she was one of my family members.

Yes, I did long for a little sister since I attained my conscious in  my childhood time. But things will never happen in my way every time, its alright to be just a dream.

Well its about the feeling of being needed. I was needed by someone, and I couldn't find some other words to describe the feeling anymore. I was delighted, just before my alarm bell rang.

But I knew this was only a dream, this will never become a reality.

As from an article I found in a magazine called "Knowledge" it explained that dreams were just memory consolidation. The brain gets overloaded during the day and so at night has to either reorganize new memories   or flood the system with noise to wash out the weakest links.

So in fact our dreams did connect to the daily life we lived. For the record, I did have a situation where I tried so hard to help but ended up got said that I couldn't help anything.

It was about my sister's laptop, where I without knowing the risk removed one of the partition. And it ended up couldn't boot the other OS.

I used more than 5 days to download two OS, and around one day of installing (because I failed several times). And at the end, all the installations weren't work.

Ok so what happened next? I told my sister that I gave up on her com and asked her to find her friend to do it, our final trump card. As her friend's idea was to reformat the whole com with all the data being wipe off. But my idea was to just reinstall the OS without deleting any of the data.

And so she choose my offered package, but I ended up failure.

But failure was nothing, it just meant that I haven't success. However things gotten worse when I told my mum that we had to let sister's friend to repair.

And then some words came in: I know you can't do it, you are not a computer person, and why you waited and delayed for so long to repair the computer?

I was completely done for this computer stuff. I just realized that I didn't need other's approval to be recognized, for my life was full with these failures. For your information, I spoiled almost every of the com in my house, included 2 desktops and 3 laptops, either by spoiling the software, or just broke the screen by dropping it onto the floor.

Ok done. At the end, I was not needed at all, I ended up not being an expert, I ended up failure again, assshole.

Shall I?

I am a normal 20 years old, an adulthood freshman, and I got some serious problems I need to face.

Actually it may not be a problem, but it can be a problem if I want. Its the relationship thing, love, feelings and some shit like that.

It came to my mind when I felt that I actually pissed off some girls again after I came back to my home town. It supposed to be a great and wonderful holiday, full of things which settle me down after some huge humps in my life. But it turned the opposite way.

I guessed this relationship things do need people to act and react based on others thinking. I can't just do anything I want instead. For example, when I wanted to talk to a girl, and she came and said she didn't want to get used to me, and she ran away.

Seriously what was going on is like I wanted to buy a drink, and the person who sold it say go away, leave me alone, things like that.

And I was pretty sure that I just want to talk, although I was interested with that girl, I knew things won't happen so quickly. I just wanted to talk, and things ended up quite bad, on the night when I was on the bus to my home. She placed a cross on my face before I managed to say anything.

I was a normal 20 years old adulthood freshman, I had the same craving as other same agers as me. But I learned that not everyone will get what they want, not everyone will get the same things. Maybe it was caused by the karma that we did in our past life. Hmm... sounds complicated.

I was a bit lonely in my home. Along with my family I realized that I need friends as well. Although family did come first for now, having friends around seems nice to talk as well. I really need people to talk to me, a real friend who knew me well. But its hard to find one, a sincere one.

So I decided to let the feeling go away with time, sooner or later I will find some way to overcome this loneliness. Maybe I could learn to talk less, but I liked to talk seriously, I got a lot of things to talk. But people would prefer if they could talk about their own things. No one cares about what going on to other people.

So what now? Should I quit?

Screw this

I am not satisfied with everything right now, its not what I want. Just like what I was dreamed for, I just couldn't get enough of it!

I am at home right now, thinking of what had happened last night, and so what the hell it should be? Should it be a happy ending with all things that I had worked so hard for? Should it be a sad ending with all the "good" work I had done for?

I feel alright, I am just fine. This is not the first time I met with this kind of situation, a misunderstanding. What the hell is this misunderstanding seriously? And I don't want to repeat any of this story with all the explanations, I don't deserve this, because I did nothing wrong.

Just why the hell should I say sorry again? I wasn't wrong, and don't ever try to tell me that ladies always right in front of gentlemen, I don't give a fuck of that. There will only be customer always right, and ladies are not "customers" for gentlemen.

I don't give a damn on saying a good bye too, so what? I rather screwed everything up and declare I am an asshole, because asshole always win at the end. I am sick of these, really really sick. So what? There is no panadol for this kind of sickness, and I won't bother either. Nothing is fine, nothing is bad too. I am just as happy as I should be.

The end.

On The Way

When I saw a brunch of kids will be in the same bus as me in my trip to hometown, there were only oh-my-god statements from my mind. Kids on a bus for this 10 hours trip was a disaster, as kids won’t sleep during the trip. They played around with each other, and called their parent every five minutes, asking if the bus arrived or not.

The only fortunate thing I could mention was they sat with their parents. If two of them sat together, it will certainly be the worst trip in my life. But wait up! Oh my god (again) they were Cantonese! The most talkative community had just gone up the same bus as me, last night.

Yes, I am in my home now, and was on the trip, the noisiest trip I ever had. I just couldn’t understand how can they be this talkative, could it be some blood-line connection? Or it was their language which made them seems so talkative all the time?

If Singaporean said they hated the way of PRC speaking, I will compare the statement to my situation now. PRC spoke just like they were in their country, loud and with their shitty accent. Same goes to the Cantonese, well their way of speaking seems far better than the PRCs, but the thing was, they were noisy.

Could you imagine how you could sleep in a shaky bus with so many sound pollutions took place? Kids were the worst one after all, same went to their parents, seeing everything like the first time they saw it, and kept on repeating “geng ah, geng ah, wahhh…”

All right, back to the topic, so how could I sleep well on this disaster night? I sent some distress signals to some of my still-connected friends, and hopefully they could suggest me some good ideas to ease my night.

Well, I didn’t expect much from their help. The clever me made myself drunk just now by having a can of Heineken. For a much more peaceful night, it was an idea to cure insomnia. Well what should I expect? If those Cantonese kids and parents could just shut up (I don’t even care if they can sleep), I wouldn’t have to be intoxicated for the night!

等待

刚开始的时候，总觉得你是我的笼子。

我每一天都把自己关在笼子里，看着过去，摸着伤口。

因为我飞了好久，飞得太高，受了伤，就只会往笼子里躲去。

一直到伤口痊愈了，我再次飞翔，却发现我已经离不开你的笼子了。

不，是我不再想离开你了。

当我发现我需要你，你的笼子突然变冷了，你把门锁上，我进不去，只有在门外不停地等你。

唧唧咋咋地，我每一天都尝试把你那扇门给打开，你却把门越锁越紧。

你要我不要等你，等待只会失去机会，你要我再次飞翔去。

如果我说，这似曾相识的台词，我在我心里曾想对你说过，这证明了什么？

是我们彼此都在为对方着想吗？还是我们都在拒绝着彼此？

我会再次飞得很高，但在笼子的不远处，等你把门打开。

CAs Conclusion

I found that I didn't treat the appetizer as part of my meal, so I decided to decided to discard it, and who knows I did really screwed up the appetizer this time.

Without regret, I was sure that I at least will get a B+ from it, the Supply Chain Management. Somehow the name was long, so as the things to study. I didn't really care about it, and thats the result. But I won't be that pessimistic, there was nothing wrong with my answers after all, I answered all of them with what I had, it would end up not too bad.

It was true for what my lecturer had spoken. Even if he gave us the tips, it will still up to us whether we were willing to put in effort or not. I did put in my effort, but not 100%, it was just around 50%. I was sure of it, that wasn't my true capability. My capacity exceeded what I had gave in, if I put in more effort, it would end up prettier.

I guessed it was time for me to plan on my module segmenting. It was a very essential process, where I would determine which module I will put in more effort for the next CA. For the reason why this system exist was because for us who had to study for 6 modules, it was impossible for us to be excel in all the modules, unless  for the exceptional one. So at most for this time, I should at most only able to get 3 modules distinction, so for the rest I shall work harder and concentrate more to get a balance of grades for all modules. As I know, it was useless if I get As only for what I was good at, and got B or C for those I dislike. Get my point?

After all, I believed those who understand the situation had already planned for this kind of method to get all As, but in fact I didn't see a lot doing it right now,  they seems don't even care of their results. Phew, why am I supposed to be so serious then?

Appetizer

And so it came to the dessert after two main courses and three appetizers. I felt a bit full of these dishes, but talking about full was an insult to me, so I decided to take on the dessert too.

It will be a huge dessert for about 6 chapters to digest, but thanks to the tips, things had gotten easier right now. I certainly don't want to give it up now, although the sense of vacation is so strong right now. I feel to go home right away and have my vacation.

Well, vacation is all about resting, but I won't mind any invitations for me to hang out. If nothing comes up I shall just stay home and enjoy reading books, since I will not have time to read more books in future. I plan to build a blog template which identical to facebook too, wow big plans.

Honestly I do have temptation to go into a relationship, since I am already 20. But I still don't have the financial ability to live on, and I can't use any of the money to date a girl. So it is better to stay single till I have the capability, unless the girl don't mind if we share the cost.

Every of my friends are going for army, and I will have to research some on my further degree study. Hmm, feel so discourage when I am not in the criteria for the scholarship, but who cares? Fuck those who only gives to Singaporean and PRs, they are denying the foreign talent. People like me who wished to seek economic shelter under other countries are much more attentive and better than the locals. Why the hell that the plan to do like this?

Well then, my ipod is ready, and I am going to get some swim and my lunch at BPP. See ya!

An Asshooole Life of Mine

Everyone doesn't like to be commented. Same goes to me. I don't like to be commented, and I never want to be commented. I don't like to be commented of me banged the door too hard, I don't like to be commented I am too obese on high result, I don't like to be commented I used pencil to answer my calculation question, I don't like to be commented I am an asshole, I don't like to be commented I walked to fast, I don't like to be commented I am over-confident, I don't like to be commented I am too rushy, I don't like to be commented I am a big eater, I don't like to be commented I should and shouldn't do this and that.

I mean seriously, why the fuck should I care about all the comments? Why the fuck should I go think about those irritating comments? I am living my life and that's what I want. Well as you can see, everything I did they are not breaking any rules, they just sort of irritating other people, and they don't like what I did, so I got commented.

Ok so for today's paper, I would like to say that the 3 papers which I sat for the past two days were just the appetizers. It doesn't mean that I will score 100% for all of them, in fact, I didn't really look too highly on these three modules. As for the first Transport Modelling paper, I used pencil to answer all the calculation parts, and some lecturers are fucking angry with my "pencil" works now. Ok now what? I gave the auditors and the markers a big problem in marking my papers. As in this case, my paper may be subjected to alteration because my answers are in pencils. Well from this case we can see, the lecturers are just irritated and angry because I used pencil! It was their like or dislike, but not the rules! So what? I didn't break the exam rules, and  I didn't break any Singapore Maritime Academy in Singapore Polytechnic rules! I just simply irritated the lecturers, what is going on here?

And then I got commented  at FC2 by my lecturer, saying that I am obese to get high marks. Ok so whats the problem of this? I just don't see any wrong about this obesion. There is no wrong being obese on wanting to achieve something, it doesn't break any rules at all! But this obesity just pissed off lots of people around me, saying that I was too qiong in study, and qiong for just result. But its nothing, I don't hack care to have a reason to qiong, who cares seriously? Who the hell will have so many time to care of what I am doing? They were just fucking scared on me, they don't want to lose to me, but they don't effort to be as hardworking as me. So, they came out with this ideas, and you know what? I am quite happy right now to think that I managed to piss off a lot of people.

In this world, where everyone only want to see how will you fail, there will be a lot of bad influences to stop you from being successful. People will not care about will you success or not, and they will be happier if you fail badly. Thats why this world is filled with evils, only asshole like me who don't care the evils "teachings" will piss them off. We do things in our way, thats our actual way of living. I lived not by following your teaching, I have my own ideology. I will follow my path, and piss you guys off more and more in the future, without breaking the rules.

And also, please forget about my posts in the past which talks about how should I change myself to be a better one. I am here, the all-time best me is here, and if I pissed you off in the past, or this post irritated you, here is a present specially for you:

MST attitude

I kind of impressed by vinc's attitude during this MST. He qiong-ed hell, slept less than 4 hours, and stayed in school library for more than 4 hours reading his notes.

I mean seriously, if he did these in every past MST, his GPA would be a lot better now. Even I would surprised by his qiong-ness for this MST, and its only Mid Semester Test!

I should admit that he really put in his effort in his revision, even more than me. And he was now sleeping, soundly, after a whole day tired in school, he doesn't have any paper for tomorrow. While I was still playing game and blogging, and I got 4 more papers everyday in a roll!

I was like what the hell when I think of how he was being so serious, it must be hard for him, except he had some sources of support at the back scene? Who knows? A guy could even killed himself for this relationship things, and what was this MST all about? It was nothing!

I guessed that was what I am lacking right now. I don't have a girl friend, I don't have anyone, I have no one. But I was glad that I was still standing firm right here, not emo and not being hooked on something. Well, there was one, but nevermind, I am standing firm right now!

I better get some sleep later before I start my revision, things were too heavy lately, and I am at the edge between healthy or sick. Phew! Better start going right now. Cheers!

The Day Before Tomorrow

It came to an end, the study week I mean. Its not really a study week, we were still playing Dota everyday, and I still managed to finish my things in these two weeks. Well not really everything, but almost.

I kind of thanks to those who supported me in this week, especially the lecturers who gave us tips to study. Not to say those were tips, I treated them more like advices, guidance for us to study. And also those who personally gave me advices like Captain Ang CE who taught me Marketing in Shipping. He told me that I will be able to handle all the syllabus for this semester and will go further, and I will do well in exam if I finish the last 30% of the notes.

It gave me a warm feeling when a lecturer talked to me like this, and he was not the only one. For this, I rosed from the ground to the top, working hard to overcome my limit for this coming exam.

And now it came to the end, tomorrow will be the day of the day we waited for. Two papers in a roll, and I had to make sure I had finished everything first before I go. I had to, I must try!

Not to believe those classmates who told me they haven't study anything. Maybe what they said were real, but I wanted to believe that people will try to confuse you, instead of telling you they had finished everything. Too bad, I will not gonna to fall into the bluff again.

It will be a test to test out my limit, I mentioned about instead of using memory to sit for the exam, it will be better if I could use my brain more in the test. But there will not be gap for me to think, so I wondered if I could manage to complete the test without using any of my  thoughts.

Well, things moved right along these days. It seem I had finished everything of the revision, but I believed that I should restart my revision today, starting from the first word till the end of chapter. I couldn't effort to lose my chance to prove my skills to the lecturers. And this time it was also for my failure in relationship, which she posted that I was an asshole who think highly of myself!

Okok easy easy, I shouldn't turn angry because of that, instead I shall use the hatred as a purpose to work hard for tomorrow and the days for next week. Hatred will be my strength for this, I will do well for my exam.

马来西亚的华人

刚刚写了一大段关于我国种族歧视的事情，还有一些很明显的例子，我还是把它们都洗掉了。

试想想，一直这样愤怒下去也不是办法，马来西亚本来就是这个样子。种族歧视都已经不是一朝一夕的事情，再乱下去只会导致国家更不安宁，还是算了吧。

想起当初来新加坡的原因，其实并不是新加坡的education比我国还要好。新加坡的Diploma，比起我国的还要贵，而且在我国我又可以生活得更好，又何苦要到这里来吃苦花钱？

说起来，也怪我不能拿到全A1，不然我会往JPA的方向走下去。别说我一开始就没有立下这个目标，要不然那时懒惰的我又何必这么拼命读书来应付SPM？

如果我国的standard高一点，我或许会任命。我不是最好的学生，天资比不上好多人。但在我国，JPA的standard并没有这样高，只是JPA奖学金大都给予土著享有，只有十至二十给予非土著，其中包挂了华人、印度人、还有少数民族。

结果华裔学生就需要与自己竞争，互相超越，导致好多像我这样拿不到全A1的学生与奖学金无缘。马来土著呢，则只需要一点点的努力就可以轻而易举地拿到奖学金出国升学，回来我国当Mat Rempit，当社会垃圾。

现在我的Diploma差不多要完了，又要进一步申请进大学，又得花一笔钱去读书。之前说到马来西亚的华人是最可怜的，因为他们到世界每一个地方都是被discriminate。就像我这里，被马来西亚抛弃了，拿着马来西亚护照跑到新加坡想当PR或公民，想得到奖学金，却一再被推掉拒绝。想要找一份工作也难，就连区区一个part time也被拒绝。相信在其他地方的大马华人也是如此。

想想如果马来西亚的情况不是这样种族歧视，我或许不需要逃到在这里拼命地读书，尽量落地生根；因为马来西亚的情况是这样，我没有办法；为了生活，到异乡受委屈；为了将来，也为了我子子孙孙的将来，留在马来西亚也只有受discriminate的结论，不如到外地去，寻找另一线生机。